Below are the 6 most recent journal entries recorded in dayatatime's LiveJournal:

Friday, June 2nd, 2006
3:27 am	Like You For I Mmm...right now things are good. Well not RIGHT now, but this week has been fantastic. I'm not alone all the time. Actually, this is some of the only alone time I've had recently. The bad news is, it will all be over very soon. Then I'm considering hibernating for the rest of the Summer. This week has just made me realize that some relationships can only be what they are, and they aren't what I want them to be. I can't force anyone to be who I want them to be, and regardless, everyone has their own motives. There are definitely true friends and such, but there is never going to be anyone who likes EVERYTHING about you. It feels useless to be social. Like I can only see the bad, or ... I don't know. I'm a little sleep deprived and a little dissappointed. As much as I've always thought I wanted a bigger circle of friends, I don't think that is what is important to me. I think it is much better to have a few people who mean the world to you, and focus on maintaining those relationships well, rather than trying to impress/meet/be cool with everyone. Exercise and healthy eating. Those are two things my body is in desperate need of. Or not eating, because that might be easier. Who knows. Definitely might spend a portion of the summer avoiding the world. I want a digital camera so bad. Current Mood: lonely (Comment on this)
Thursday, May 25th, 2006
12:24 am	You Light the Match, I'll Stick Around Real Journal Excerpts: He speaks like Taking Back Sunday and recites words stolen straight from the lyrics stuck in my head. He smells like summer, and me, and makes it easy to be remembered and imagined. He Easily finds a place in my thoughts constructed just for that purpose. Disconnect: I want to hold back. Disconnect: When asked if you are a jealous person, I don't believe people who answer no. There are two types of people in the world: people who can admit they are jealous and deal with it, and people who can't admit they are jealous and let their jealousy control them. I would say the latter is the more jealous of the two, and I always hope to be the former, although I don't know how often I am. I guess thats all for tonight. Current Mood: mellow (Comment on this)
Wednesday, May 17th, 2006
11:41 pm	The Things I Went Through To Avoid You I went to buy a new journal today and they were all super ugly. I guess that's what I get for going to Wal Mart, but I guess for now I will just have to write in here until I have a real paper one. I'll go to the bookstore or something tomorrow to get one. I just feel better writing all my thoughts down in my own little personal journal, and writing the ones I want thoughts on on here. Sometimes I just want to write things down for my own sake so I can figure it out, and sometimes I do it on here in hopes of getting the help of others. Either way, for now I have no choice. So the ex may not be leaving the country as hoped. He says he might not want to go until next year. I was really hoping he would go in my own selfish way, because it would make things so much easier for me to not have to worry about him for a while and have some time to just figure things out on my own. He's so perfect. He says and does all of the right things when he wants to. The surprise he came up with tonight was the perfect pick me up for my not so great day, and it was perfectly him ... and me. I can't be with him, but I can't be without him. And when he's around every second it just reminds me of how much it makes sense for me to be with him. While he was gone I thought this other boy was good stuff. Not perfect or boyfriend material by any means, but hot and fun for now. Now that he's back, this boy seems bland and boring. Why would I want to waste my time with him when I could be doing something so much more fun with my soul mate? The ex is just so ... me. I wonder if he did/said the same things with other girls. I wonder if he is so perfect by nature, or if we are actually just really good together. I've asked and know the given answer, I just don't know if it's true or not. If we continue to "just be friends" is he going to be out there making some other girl's days? That would be hard to take. I don't want him to know about the boy, because I genuinely don't want to hurt him. I also don't want to hurt myself by cutting off all hope for a future relationship with him. With my old ex-boyfriend there were times when I had serious doubts about breaking up until the time came that I knew it was too late and what had been done couldn't be undone, that we couldn't ever be together again. I don't want that point to come with this boyfriend. I want to possibility to always be there. I almost wish we could just date right now. Not just be friends, but date very casually. Of course that's unrealistic, and it would only end up hurting his feelings as well as my own. If he would only leave the country everything would be so much easier. That would give me the time to figure out what life without him is like, and if it's something I'm interested in. I'm just afraid being with him is holding me back, being comfortable but not happy. I'm not sure. I probably won't be for a long time, just hopefully before it's too late either way. For now I must say I'm happy and having fun other than these sporadic bouts of confusion. Current Mood: confused (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Monday, May 1st, 2006
1:11 am	I Don't do Too Well on my Own I can feel myself screwing things up. I never thought I would get what I wanted so fast. Sick of not being single, but when what you want comes along, what do you do? Put it on hold? Play games. I don't even know what I want, who am I kidding? I just didn't expect to be this interested in someone this soon. Maybe i'm not. Maybe it's just the excitement of a first kiss into crush i've been missing for so long. I'm worried about the semi-ex. I know I'm leading him on, but I don't know how not to. I want to be just friends but... I could spend some more time alone. Have fun. Figure out what I want. But I get lonely fast, and I'm too shy to party hard alone. I'm scared/excited/restless/confused... But definitely happy! Current Mood: restless (Comment on this)
Saturday, April 29th, 2006
11:18 pm	What You Do on Your Own Time's Just Fine Yay! Two hotties in my house! And a third text messaging me on the phone... But that's a long story ... I don't even know why I started writing this, because I have nothing to say. I'm just at home watching TV and waiting for alcohol. Listening to fall out boy, texting my best friend and my ex-boyfriend. I need to forget about last night, because he's already forgotten. I guess I'm out for now. There's drinking to do, and nothing to say. If all goes well, tomorrow there will be. (Comment on this)
2:33 am	Just Come Back I don't know what it feels like to have a broken heart. I wish I did sometimes. Apparently I have broken the hearts of others, and in a way I feel jealous of their pain. I want to know what I'm missing. I want to know that I'm capable of feeling that much. Sometimes I doubt that I am capable of feeling at all. I end relationships because it doesn't feel right anymore. It doesn't make sense anymore. The feeling isn't there anymore. You made me so happy for so long and then one day it's gone and I've moved on and you haven't. Why haven't you? (Why have I?) Just friends never works for me. I'm doomed to live out the rest of my life alone and on the internet typing about my lost loves and lack of interest in life. Passion...in anything...would be my savior. I love to write, but I can't anymore. I have no clue what I want to do with the rest of my life and no I idea who I want to do it with. I disconnect myself from the world maybe because I'm afraid of doing otherwise. Alone again in the mid-early morning wishing you were here, but knowing I'd ruin it if you were. I don't blame you for not putting up with me, I blame me for my confusion and for bringing you into it. I know this story isn't over, but I wish I could put it down for a while. Run away. Spend some time alone but not. I can't stand be alone but I can't stand being around people. Contradiction. Anxiety. Loneliness. I guess it's true that you have to love yourself before you can love anyone else. I haven't even figured me out yet. I'd rather focus on you or anyone. With all of that said I need some time away from you, but there are a million things I'll miss. Just to name a few: Your smile Your hair Your nose (and what goes up it) Your music Riding in your car like it's a differnt world Going to farms in the middle of the night just to make me happy Lightning storms Dorkiness Talking in ... Your tatoo Your jaw Your clothes Your smell Your hands covering mine Your c(ockiness)onfidence Your hold The way you can always make me smile And I you ...I could go on forever, but I won't. Goodnight for now. Maybe tomorrow I will find another outlet for my emotions when I'm less intoxicated. It doesn't change the fact that I meant every word I said. Love ... Always (Comment on this)